My name is Amanda and I'm a junior.
"survival secret: It gets worse before it gets better, try not to panic."

i could write a poem write now about suicidal thoughts or maybe even less dramatic like me wanting to move or some shit but then again thats most likely going to exacerbate the whole situation and also it’s cliche and dumb and maybe instead of feeling worthless and staying up all night I could feel worthless and sleep because maybe when i wake up i’ll have somehow forgotten how much i hate myself and smile. Because isn’t that the only reason people can stand to be around me. If i didn’t smile so much, or pay people compliments, or always go out of my fucking way to do something nice for someone who doesn’t appreciate the god damn lengths i went to for them to not even get a “thanks” or a smile or something in return to make my day a little bit fucking better too just because thats what nice people do for one another, i don’t think anyone would be my friend. and the whole thing isn’t fair, because if i had half of the attitude nearly all the people i know i would have no one. With all of my good intentions, i barely have anyone any way. maybe it’s paranoia but i swear to god I’m so unwanted. I only blog when i hate myself


sans titre by thom♥ on Flickr.

i actually hate everyone but its okay because actually every hates me so THATS JUST GREAT bye





oh my god this is beyond perfect

isnt this from how i met your mother? x

yes omg

yes it is from how i met your mother :)

Artwork by Anja Mulder

sweet solacing light tickles my cheek

sings to me

good morning

as gentle eyelids flutter like the first butterfly of the


exploring the freshly painted 

cerulean sky

indulging themselves in the sticky dew of the grass at 


my toes crinkle

my bones y a w n

my skin drinks in the newborn sunshine

it sings, it hums

everything is going to be just fine

kaleidoscope reflections bounce around my room

oh joyous spring, soak up my winter gloom

pour me a tall glass of your warmest breeze

your coolest spots under cherry-blossoming trees

a harmony of birds

and their most well-rehearsed song

oh how I have been parched 

for much too long

glorious sun, make my heavy bones 


infinite indigo sky, make my dull eyes


spring time lullaby, send my winter woes a-flight


Could you imagine getting an apartment with the person you love. Falling asleep beside each other, and waking up to see that cute little dopey smile they make when they first get up. You’d never a bad start to your day, because they’d be the perfect start.